Insomnia has cursed me for as long as I can remember. Often, I'm eating cereal at three am watching TV after trying in vain to fall asleep, or even worse, sleeping for two hours and waking up in the middle of the night with an acute sense of general worry. But naps? Naps are no …
I've been working out at home since I was a teenager, kicking and punching to Billy Blanks' Tae Bo workout in my parents basement because it was the 90s. For the last twenty years, I've been jumping and planking and crunching in living rooms and basements around the country during the times when I couldn't …
Fuck We're almost out of toothpaste. The formerly plump tube is now flattened to .0005mm, almost as thick as the random blonde hair growing between my eyes that every seven months I discover is three feet long and no one told me. I found a half-empty travel size toothpaste under the sink, but how much …
A "powerful woman but really want to get back under this blanky" vibe What's it like to be a morning person? And by that, I don't mean that you necessarily like being awake in the morning. I mean, what's it like to be awake in the morning? Of course, I've been awake in the morning. …
Sit inside, stare out the window Stand in the middle of a room, yowling Play with garbage Become excited when a can of food opens Watch water drip from the faucet Scratch at the door to go outside Sleep in odd places Run through the house between 1-3am Groom
She worked seven doubles in a row. Sometimes a sycophantic co-worker will say, "I want to learn how to bartend!" Typically, they're dressed super cute, maybe some heels going on because their job requires delicate tasks, like seating guests or coat check. They're young, usually having just turned legal drinking age, so bars are still …
I've been in the service industry for my entire adult life, except for one eleven month period when I got out. The phrase "got out" pertaining to someone leaving the hospitality industry is, I imagine, almost synonymous with a felon leaving prison. The recidivism rate within the service industry is probably lower than most correctional …
Continue reading From Bartender to Freelance Writer: How to Prepare for A Career Change
For those of us that live with someone else, be it roommate or partner, there are those few and far in between times when you get the place to yourself. And today was one of those days! Yesterday, the boyfriend took off for Vegas. I woke up, headed straight for the couch and played an …
Continue reading Carpe Diem! Recipes for A Minor Depressive Episode
"When are you going to get a real job?" This question elicits two different reactions from me: "I know. " and "But, how about you go fuck yourself?". Because I have a fake job. A fake job that has lasted since I was 17 years old selling sweet iced tea in mason jars and fried …
Continue reading All Jobs are Real Jobs: A Service Industry Rant
This is a story about a drunk guy at a bar I used to work at a couple of years ago. And when he tried to grab me by my naughty bits. Just two days before Christmas. It is, obviously, painstakingly modeled after T'was the Night Before Christmas. Because what better way to parody that …
