Once when my boyfriend’s parents were visiting us, his dad looked around at the apartment buildings lining the street and said, “I can’t imagine living on top of other people like this.” Everyone else weighed in on whether or not they'd like living in Chicago, but I didn’t answer right away. To be honest, I … Continue reading The Woman in the Window Eating Noodles on the Couch With the Cats
A few months ago, I was in a car with my boyfriend and his brother-in-law barreling down a dark road in central Illinois and we hit an owl. And when I say hit, we absolutely creamed it. Or as the boyfriend said later, "Did we hit an owl, or did an owl commit suicide?" Which … Continue reading How to Know You’re in the Wrong Place
I can't pinpoint the exact reason why I decided to switch to an IUD from the pill, but it might have to do with Instagram reels. Sure, I was sick of having skin the texture and color of an Alaskan Salmon two weeks out of the month, but this summer both my best friend and … Continue reading Things You Should Know About Getting an IUD
I want my cat back. I can't get him back because kidney disease destroyed him and his ashes are in a tiny wooden box underneath our plant, Robert Plant. But sometimes, I'll be minding own my business making pasta, and my brain will ask, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Kitty walked in here right … Continue reading Dos and Don’ts of Coping When Your Cat Dies
Illustration by Katie H. I've been a fan of home workouts since I was a teenager, awkwardly following kickboxing and pilates workouts in my bedroom. For most of my adult life, I've been jumping, planking, and crunching in apartments around the country. Costly gym memberships, living nowhere near a gym and the convenience of turning … Continue reading The Benefits of Home Workouts
Fuck We're almost out of toothpaste. The formerly plump tube is now flattened to .0005mm, almost as thick as the random blonde hair growing between my eyes that every seven months I discover is three feet long and no one told me. I found a half-empty travel size toothpaste under the sink, but how much … Continue reading We Need Toothpaste
For those of us that live with someone else, be it roommate or partner, there are those few and far in between times when you get the place to yourself. And today was one of those days! Yesterday, the boyfriend took off for Vegas. I woke up, headed straight for the couch and played an … Continue reading Carpe Diem! Recipes for A Minor Depressive Episode
This is a story about a drunk guy at a bar I used to work at a couple of years ago. And when he tried to grab me by my naughty bits. Just two days before Christmas. It is, obviously, painstakingly modeled after T'was the Night Before Christmas. Because what better way to parody that … Continue reading T’was the Grope Before Christmas
Going to the salon to get highlights and a haircut is usually a two to three hour process. It's not so much the time wasted I hate. Usually I read. And it's not so much the forced small talk I have to make with the stylist. Making small talk is easy for me. Years of … Continue reading Salon Time
People are still under the assumption that women have a ticking biological clock. I know this because the other day someone said to a co-worker, "You'll want babies one day. Women have a ticking biological clock." So that guy and my Facebook feed makes that statement ring somewhat true. But I don't think so. I … Continue reading The Clock That Has Never Ticked
Katie Hackmeister 