People are still under the assumption that women have a ticking biological clock. I know this because the other day someone said to a co-worker, “You’ll want babies one day. Women have a ticking biological clock.” So that guy and my Facebook feed makes that statement ring somewhat true. But I don’t think so. I know this because I’m a woman and I’ve searched all over for a clock of any kind. Nothing. And there isn’t even any ticking coming from any orifice. Not one!

I haven’t wanted children for as long as I can remember. Back when I was little, when I would take baby dolls and put them in precarious situations. “Oh no! You’re on fire at the edge of this cliff! Don’t fall down this rocky terrain into that vat of oil! Noooo!” Or when I was at the grocery store with my mom. I looked around at all the families, pushing their carts and being together. “Jesus. Why would someone do that to themselves?” Fourth grade had it’s own stressful demands. I couldn’t imagine piling a child on top of that. Or when I first got my period and I thought, “Seems pointless, but okay. Silver lining? Now I know for sure I’m not a hermaphrodite. Because you never know.”

That’s right. You never know if your child is a hermaphrodite. So why have them? To the co-worker that was on the receiving end of the biological clock advice, I turned to her and said, “I’m 33. I never wanted kids. And I have never felt the need to have kids. In fact, I think it’s growing stronger as I get older.”

She looked at me for a second. Then she said, “You give me hope.”

And that’s how crazy cat ladies are born.